Fashion, What I wore

Go easy on the pumpkins…

With October in full swing, I have become obsessed with pumpkins! Pumpkin spice, pumpkin latte, pumpkin pie, soup and of course there is a general orange glow dominating my home with pumpkins decorating each free corner.
What can I say – I am very fond of this month, autumn has settled in nicely and I am able to wear baggy jumpers and skinny jeans.

Pull & Bear

Hannah autumn 2

autumn 3

autumn 4

autumn 5

autumn 6

Jumper is from Pull & Bear

Jeans are from Topshop

Skirt is from Redherring at Debenhams

So those were the last two outfits worn this weekend – which was spent drinking pumpkin spiced latte’s with my favorite people, keeping it simple this weekend relaxed and ready for our week ahead.

Currently listening to: Death From Above 1979

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baby, motherhood

Finding my way

I have formed a deliberate distance between myself and the ‘real world’ recently. I tried to think of ways to excuse my lack of blogging or reasons why I had no desire to write. My blog that usually provides me with consistency and hope was the punch bag for my blows which is why it has been left alone for now.

I will try to be radically honest as I believe that is what makes us bloggers ‘likeable’ we give a realistic insight into our own little life’s.

So… it all started when found a moment to myself and decided to play my unloved guitar, which had been purposely placed in the corner of my room leaning on a pile of papers and unwritten note books. No sooner had I started to put words to the music I was playing, little Francis came toddling in, his feet pattering on the hard floor.
“mummmm … mummma” he called out “nooo mumma nooo”
The not so subtle hint for me to stop what I was doing and assert my attention back on to him was shown in his concerned facial expression. A deep frown followed after the mumma and noooo. Taking his hand I followed him over to see what he wanted to show me so desperately.
And there in front of me were bricks and plastic cups formed into a chaotic pile with cowboy Ned placed right on top.
I looked at him with that proud mum look – a slight head tilt and soft smile.

Francis’s pile of bricks was important over my time but there was a deep longing that I couldn’t quite ignore.

Later that night after our night time routine came to end,the house came a sudden stillness that was unfamiliar to these walls. The calm energy was pulling me closer to the sofa insisting I echo the inactivity – of course I did so without hesitation.
I slumped down into the sofa wondering what I looked like on the outside as my body slipped deeper and deeper into the arms of the chair. My general reluctance to move made me feel slobbish’ and I suddenly felt uneasy.

Had I started filling my life with habits and routines caused by the strong desire to get every thing right and fulfil a purpose I had given myself? Have I lost my selfhood? and if I had would it ever fully return. I then reminded myself that these are questions I have asked my self for a while now, without the answers to satisfy my wondering I feel lost again (and blogging about it again)

With these thoughts hanging over me irritating my tranquility, I get up from my warm spot and go back to my tatty old guitar. Being overly conscious not to make too much noise I start playing again. My voice sounded weak but I was hoping that was because I was trying so hard not to disturb the peace.
Regardless of the sadness in my lyrics and the weakness in my tone, it felt so good to sing again each time I was remembering how much I used to love music and how important it is to remember the qualities you have underneath motherhood.

I am by no means making motherhood out to be boring and monotonous, but I find that I forget who I am when I focus on the daily routines. This is often why I have difficulties writing these days and why I tend to leave my blog unattended ignoring the real reasons I started blogging in the first place, which was to keep track of my parenting memories and of course to expose a little of my quirky life.

Ironically Francis woke up soon after I played guitar, I wasn’t in the least surprised as I must have got carried away.
I cuddled his little body which was limp with tiredness but aware enough to feel my arms wrap securely around him. His eyes flickered slightly and lips pursed together twitching every now and then, I stroked the palms of his soft hands and hummed songs to him faintly until he drifted back to sleep.

Leaving his room I sat back down in my warm cosy spot on the sofa and remembered that doing the things you love don’t always have to require recognition from others. I love writing and my music related hobbies will always be a huge part of who I am. Motherhood is a challenge and rediscovering a sense of ‘selfhood’ is equally challenging but I will write for my own well being and sing for that little man who enjoys the soothing songs I sing to him at night and for me that means I have made it right?

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Fashion, look_of_the_day, What I wore

The art of wearing baggy cardigans

Unable to control my habit of purchasing knitwear and lipsticks, I made the most of a shopping trip spent in London over the weekend. Urban Outfitters does autumn/winter style
perfectly. With a strong collection of knits and cardies over sized jumpers and winter tights I was quite happy to get lost in the autumnal nostalgia.

I am a huge fan of wearing shorts in the autumn/winter but getting the right style is paramount! I tend to go for a higher waist and rolled up at the bottom a sort of relaxed look
Together with shorts and tights I am no where with out a big cardigan to wrap around me, living by the sea makes this sort of clothing essential.

urbanoutfitters

Sunday traditions are still in full swing, with seaside picnics becoming a regular Sunday hit. Francis enjoys running from the waves and finding various stones and shells to throw back in the sea.
With a busy life things get a little over whelming at times, but moments like these are gentle reminders of the beauty of living – simplicity is often the key to our happiness.


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lifestyle

A bad day is a good day if you allow it to be…

I’ve had a ‘naughty day today’ I said biting the inside of my cheeks to my friend who wasn’t quite sure how to
take my nervous cackle.

By ‘naughty day’ I meant I had carelessly raided the food cupboards and ate what ever the hell I fancied at a price of course!

Every time I over indulge I am fully aware that my own justifications are thought of and the rest of my week is determined by these ‘naughty’ moments.
Naughty days are not defined simply by the food I eat but anything I feel is a bad reflection of my character or a weakness.
(e.g – buying too much shopping and over spending leading to a massive guilt trip or eating too much chocolate, drinking too much coffee, not going for a run…. you get the idea)

So here I am in the middle of realisation, a moment of calm and self reflection a moment that has only been broken to write this blog (as I feel the need to
share this with you all).

I have been so strict with both my eating habits lifestyle and general being, restrictions here and restrictions there a prisoner left caged behind my own
disproving attitudes towards what ‘one’ is meant to look like and meant to be like.
The enormity of it didn’t quite reach breaking point until now and that is because I am desperate to free myself from worrying about everything I eat and everything I do that contributes to my well being.

As women it has some how become normal and part of our femininity to discuss weight loss weight gain and how crap we feel in our new skinny jeans.Its worrying and quite frankly
boring that we get trapped within the expectations and pressures of today’s culture.
It has also become normal for my group of friends to discuss how unsatisfied and angry we are at our bodies dwelling on negatives and forgetting
the lack of importance our looks really have on our future plans, but sadly this dissatisfaction of our image is accepted in our group.

Inspired by an article that triggered these thoughts I feel in powered and recharged. Ready to embrace a different outlook on appearance and self doubts.

we are given so many chances in life and often we don’t quite reach our potential because we don’t quite believe in ourselves and this is why my attitude needs to change.

This is not to say that my deep and unforgiving love affair with tatty baggy jumpers and other fashion trends wont continue because that is part of my self
expression, but worrying about what I look like is contradicting the reason I love fashion so much as the doubt shadows the person behind the clothes.

I don’t have naughty days anymore I just have days – some are good some are bad.

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Fashion, What I wore

casual.

baggy jumper

 

As ever I am wearing a baggy jumper… and as usual Francis is to wriggly for a photo! :) 

Todays outfit screams – housework,home day, messy play mumma but I kind of like it never the less. 

Francis is saying things now which is super cute, it also means I have to be extra careful as to what I say or do he mimics everything! 

 

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Fashion, look_of_the_day, What I wore

The bargain dress – it fits

Bidding for bargains on ebay is something I am addicted to (as most of my followers know) there is nothing better than spotting a bargain and winning the bid especially a 99p bid!! 

So here is my dress I got for under £1.00 obviously postage on top of that but considering it still had the tags in I feel pretty happy. 

 

longer sleeves - perfect for autumn!

longer sleeves – perfect for autumn!

wearing my sale tights from topshop - cat heads on my legs of course!

 

This dress was originally from Urbanoutfitters.

 

Thank you for stopping by – I am always grateful for my followers Xx  

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Attachment parenting, baby, lifestyle, motherhood

Meltdown Monday’s

Sunday leaves behind a sort of reminder that it did actually happen regardless of how far away the weekend already feels. Several mugs and tea cups collect in the corners of my house highlighting Sunday afternoon activities! 

Other than simple reminders of the weekend I love so dearly, Monday has a great way of stomping on my parade with its big fat monday shoes. Waking up early as ever we prepare for our day I already feel stressed at the thought of Francis’s packed lunch, olives and pita with a healthy fruit selection or classic marmite sandwiches!? I then remind myself that he is 17 months old which means the complicating chore of me preparing a gourmet lunch to take to nursery will be wasted time as most of it ends up in little piles on the floor… unless of course its grapes he loves grapes. 

Right the lunches are tackled I feel smug with my perfectly prepared lunch yet also stupid for taking this much time. But there is reasoning in my morning prep as I still haven’t quite grasped the extreme guilt feeling I have when leaving Francis at nursery, I over compensate on lunches and treats in hope that he wont hate me for leaving him.

So not only are monday’s hideous because the weekend becomes a distant memory it is the day I am left feeling empty and guilt ridden.

Most of the time he enjoys playing with others and getting stuck in with all the activities but other times he looks at me with those big blue heart melting eyes and I know that when my back turns to leave through the door he will sob – which breaks my heart because I should be there to comfort him.

 

Parenting leaves me guilt ridden most of the time because I am aiming so high that I guilt trip myself if I don’t reach my own silly expectations. I am now learning to go easy on myself and remind myself that I am doing fine – as is Francis

we are fine

and the monday blues will be forgotten just like sunday.   

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